NEW · September 26, 2026

Fair on Paper

Honestly,

A behavior rubric came home from my child’s elementary school.

Meet the expectations, and you get an extra recess at the end of the day. Make a mistake at any point during the school day, and you may spend that time in a forced study hall instead.

A child could make a mistake in the morning. Then they have lunch. They learn something new. They navigate a dozen other moments. Maybe they even have a great afternoon.

Hours after the mistake, the consequence arrives.

Everyone else goes outside. You stay in.

I understand the intention: choices have consequences. But by then, my child has long moved past the moment being punished. What does missing that time teach them to do differently?

My HR brain went straight to the workplace.

Imagine an employee misses an instruction in a morning meeting. We don’t help them understand it then. At the end of the day, we take away a break or flexibility that helps them focus and call it accountability.

That’s not coaching. We missed the moment to coach.

Workplaces make quieter versions of this mistake. Someone needs instructions in writing, and we call them inattentive. Someone needs to move to stay focused, and we start counting how often they leave their desk. Someone asks for flexibility, and we question their commitment.

The rule applies to everyone, so we call it fair.

But ableism can live inside a rule that assumes everyone functions the same way. It shows up when a need for support is mistaken for a lack of effort—and when support becomes something a person has to earn back.

I believe in expectations. I believe in accountability. I’ve helped leaders navigate both throughout my career. I also believe feedback should come while someone can use it.

When a mistake happens, tell the person what happened. Find out what got in the way. Help them practice what to do next time. And before taking something away, ask whether it’s the very thing that helps them succeed.

You can’t punish someone into needing less support.

Reflection

Think about the last time you applied a consequence or enforced a rule. Was the person able to connect your response to what happened—and did they have a real opportunity to do something differently?

Toolbox

Before deciding how to respond to a missed expectation, ask:

1. What happened, and when? Give feedback close enough to the moment that it can still be useful.
2. Is this a skill, clarity, or access issue? Don’t assume a person could meet an expectation just because it seems clear to you.
3. What support helps them succeed? Check whether the proposed consequence would remove it.
4. What can they try next time? Give them a concrete next step and a chance to practice it.

I’m an HR person. I’m not your HR person. Colleen Honestly provides general educational information based on my professional experience and perspective. Nothing here is legal advice, individualized HR advice, or a substitute for guidance from your employer, attorney, healthcare provider, or other qualified professional. Laws, policies, and individual circumstances vary, so use this information as a starting point—not a decision made for you.